i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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