The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
