I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
