I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
