I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
