I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
