I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
