We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I forget how to act sober
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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