Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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