dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
