I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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