So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize