he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
