She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
