Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
