my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize