I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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