i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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