look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
