i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
