And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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