so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
