she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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