I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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