Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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