I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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