i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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