I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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