i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize