Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
