Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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