This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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