Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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