im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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