I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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