Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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