I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
