I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
