I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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