I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I want a musical about memes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
