So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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