The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
