Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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