i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize