I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
