just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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