True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
