all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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