Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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