Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she woke up with a sticky ear
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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