careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
