She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
