Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
