I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
