do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize