I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
