then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize