So gin and wine won't be happening again
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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