Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I didn't shave. On purpose
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
