The maid of honor just puked.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The uberlube is also flammable
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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