just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
