Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
