I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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