i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
