Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
